Destination - Home

        I told my Uncle that my flight was officially changed, and made sure that he put it in his diary, otherwise knowing him he would completely forget and I wouldn't be catching that flight in time! It was a hard decision to make, but in one month I will back on home turf, and hopefully on a new, different road to recovery.

        Things turned out completely the opposite of how I expected, they've still been good, just in ways that I didn't expect. Other things I have found a lot harder, things that I never thought would bother me as much as they have done - I've definitely learnt more about myself, and it has made me a more well-rounded person, able to deal with new things. I know that I shouldn't compare myself to my friends - who are doing amazing things and moving forward with their lives, while I seem to be standing still - but I still go on to compare, even though the challenges I face are gravely different. I always feel like I take one step forward, then what seems to be a heck of a lot more backwards, but a quote I recently found is so true.

"An arrow can only be shot by pulling it backwards. When life is dragging you back with difficulties, it means that it is going to launch you into something great."

        Another quote that I found recently gives a more humourous look into taking steps forwards and backwards.

        I have only told my direct family, and one friend that I am returning early - in my mind I have huge anxiety and fear around telling my other friends and family and I don't quite know why. I know that they will be extremely happy and pleased to have me back home, but I have a reoccurring fear that they will judge me for not sticking at it longer, or laugh at me as they would be able to do so much better. I truly don't know.

        I think it may be also to do with the fact that very few of them actually understand the illness I suffer, and so it is therefore hard for them to understand that I find basic things extremely difficult, and for me this has been completely out of my zone and I have done so many things I have struggled to do for years. But alas, life must go on and I will soon gain the courage needed; either that or I just turn up at their doors!