Why does the truth have to hurt?

        These last two months haven't exactly been a walk in the park. My body has deteriorated so drastically, but I kept telling myself "you will get better; your body will cope soon; you'll feel less exhausted tomorrow" - when wholeheartedly I knew that this wasn't the truth, I just didn't want to be honest with myself and accept the fact that I'm hurting my body so much.

       Being out of your own comfort zone is always extremely difficult, let alone for someone like myself who is trying to manage a chronic illness as well. I had to express the truth to those closest, as much as I knew it was going to hurt and in my mind it wasn't how I wanted things to turn out. In my eyes telling the truth was showing weakness, and showing weakness allows for you to be judged - it all relates to my illness, which I hate to show to anyone apart from my parents and sister. My parents knew I was struggling, I just didn't have the strength and courage to tell my Uncle and Aunt; so with the help of my parents we told my Uncle that I was dramatically struggling and just wasn't showing it to them and we needed a new plan.

        We decided the best course of action was to try to change my flight (hopefully to early October), so I could return home and go back to a somewhat normal routine to see if I can actually recover from this illness. This was never what I intended to happen, in my mind I had great expectations of what my time spent here would be like - maybe I expected too much of myself, I always seem to forget my limitations hoping they won't creep up on me like they always seem to. I wanted to find my own 'American Dream' and stay until the end of November, celebrating Thanksgiving, and spending this time discovering new parts of Maine, making new friends, and having an overall amazing time. I have had some truly amazing times, but times have been overshadowed by my illness - it's like looking at two seperate girls: the first girl wanting to learn and experience everything new, whilst slowly building confidence and skills; then the second girl whose battling a pain-in-the-bum illness, not being able to do everything she wants.

        I've grown considerably whilst living out here, and have smashed some achievements out of the park. I am brave and I am strong, and I will not give up on my American Dream - maybe one day I will return and things will turn out how I intended them, or maybe I will find another path that leads to my route in life.

"There are no wrong turnings. Only paths we had not known we were meant to walk."

- Guy Graviel Key