Belated British Thanksgiving

        I've been meaning to write this for the past week, however writing has got a lot more difficult over the past month or so. It took me two days to write a single email. I used to be able to get them done in a flash. Oh well, I'm finally getting round to it which is an achievement!

        We all know that Thanksgiving is a huge American tradition, and before things turned a little, well a little topsy turvy, I was hoping to spend the holiday out there and experience everything about it. Unfortunately, that wasn't able to happen so my sister and her best friend planned for us to have our own take on Thanksgiving. We had cute little turkey decorations, and a traditional menu (of course, all gluten free!).
       For our main meal we had turkey and pulled pork, with roast potatoes, sweet potato mash, maple covered carrots and parsnips, veggies and gravy. It was all delicious, and I think we really pulled it all off; especially my sisters pulled pork - none of us had ever made or had it before, but on all the cookery programmes and in restaurants it looked amazing, and so my sister took on the challenge and it came out great. The recipe was also really simple, using the slow cooker, and we had leftovers for sandwiches the next day.
        Pudding was a slight disaster, to say the least. Pumpkin pies are traditional, but due to them not being Mel suitable, we decided to go for an apple pie, using a package pie crust mix. All we had to do was add the flour mix to oil and water, this part went swimmingly, until we tried to roll out the pastry. Uh oh this wasn't gonna work. We ended up pushing the pastry into the pie tray as best we could. The filling seemed to be the only bit that worked, yummy cooked apples and raisins in a sugary syrup. The pastry topping didn't work either, and we ended up renaming it a jigsaw pie as it really looked so mismatched on top! Surprisingly, when it came out the oven it looked golden and yummy... that was not the case. The pastry had a chemical taste, so we ended up only eating the filling. Never gonna use a package pie crust again.
        To save the day we got back on track with a final bite of delicious food, turkey decorated cupcakes. Alison is an amazing baker, and these were no exception, and the decoration was super.

        The day really made me feel grateful for the family and friends I have around me, and I couldn't of asked for better people to spend our belated take on Thanksgiving.

Back to Basics & Baking

        First of all I'd like to apologise for the radio silence - since I've come home I've been resting pretty much 24/7 as my chronic fatigue has deteriorated drastically due to the last 3 months. I've there for decided (well, partly because my body is making me) to go back to basics, and start rehab and recovery from the beginning. Struggling to do anything at all on my own is such a huge pain, so I'm spending the days resting, using my wheelchair to get about, and starting to do some basic exercises, in the hope that the rest will renew my energy, the use of the chair won't wear me out and the exercises will start to build my strength.
        That's the plan anyway; and although my plans don't seem to be going quite how I'd like, I really hope starting from scratch will finally help me recover.

       Another thing I've gone back to this week is one of my favourite hobbies - baking! With my current situation, I find doing any sort of activity difficult, so my Mum and I decided to start again with a basic recipe (I've had a 3 month break from baking - hardest thing ever!) of banana bread. It was so much fun to get baking again, even if I had to let my mum do most of it, and thankfully the recipe came out great!

Recipe - Gluten Free Banana Bread

Ingredients
150g Mashed Bananas (peeled weight)
200g Gluten Free Self Raising Flour
1 tsp Xanthan Gum
125g Pure Sunflower Spread
125g Light Soft Brown Sugar
Grated Zest of 1/2 a Lemon
2 Large Eggs
100g Sultanas
100g Chopped Pecans
        (The last two are optional, and could be substituted with chocolate chips, dried fruit, or other nuts).

Directions
1. Preheat the oven to 180C, 160C Fan, or Gas Mark 4.
2. Line your loaf tin.
3. Mash your peeled bananas in a bowl and set aside for later.
4. Beat together the sunflower spread, brown sugar and grated zest in a mixing bowl.
5. Beat in the eggs, and add the flour and xanthan gum, until thoroughly combined.
6. Add the bananas and stir, and lastly stir in the sultanas and pecans.
7. Put the mixture in the loaf tin, and bake for 50-55 minutes or until the top springs back when lightly pressed.


        This recipe creates a delicious, fresh banana bread, which is perfect with a cup of tea before bed, or served with custard as a pudding.

Welcome Home

        I'd been trying to think of what to write even before I was completely home, and nothing I was preparing to write would cover what happened! I was packed and ready nearly two weeks before (a bit eager I know), and did the final few bits of packing that weekend, ready to head home on Monday.

        We started out reasonably early on Monday morning, driving down to Portland to catch the Concord bus to Logan International. It took about 4 hours, and it was 4 hours of me getting slightly frustrated at every little thing that happened, or things that certain people did. Arriving at the airport, with time to spare, even though we got caught in Columbus Day Parade traffic, was a quiet relief. I wasn't able to check my bags in for a couple of hours, so we went to the Boston Bar & Grill and grabbed some lunch - although I'd already snacked on sandwiches, crisps and cookies on the way down and had said I'd grab something before I got on the flight.

        After having lunch it was time to check in my bags, and head to security. The queue went quite quickly for the bag drop, and because we ate in the Boston Bar & Grill the receipt allowed me to go through the upper classes security lane. Saying goodbye to Uncle Ian was hard, and I got upset - all a mixture of upset, and anxiety of flying on my own for the first time. The queue was a lot shorter than the normal security section, but it still took a long time, and it was such a pain to do it on my own, as I had four trays of my things going through the scanner!

        On the other side of security, I went to the little news agents, and brought a drink for the flight, and later on some chewy sweets for take off and landing. I had lots of time to kill so brought a small hot chocolate, and tried to get the nuisance internet to work so I could chat to Mum and Dad - I got it working on and off, but in the end gave up and let them get to sleep anyway, and went to my gate to wait to be called.

        On the plane I was sat next to two guys, probably a bit older than me, and they were really lovely. There was also a crowd of 'grannies on tour' near me, which were quite amusing. I was pretty darn anxious, but taking off and the start of the flight was actually a lot better than I expected. The dinner was the best gluten free meal I've had on a plane so far, and I got to watch Monster's University which I've wanted to see since it came out. The film was great, so funny, and even though it's made for children I still loved the story and the characters are super as always.
        Just before breakfast was served, I got up to go to the bathroom and on the way back I had to wait behind the breakfast trolley. Next thing I know, my vision is blurry and two men are holding me up from behind, as I was swaying all over the show nearly about to faint. They got the attention of the air steward, and he told me to sit down, but before I could I felt extremely sick, and had to run to the bathroom. I'm never sick, which can sometimes be a bonus, but other times you feel like it might help - this was one of those times. The steward got me some water, sick bags, and told me just to stay sitting for a while, until I felt well enough to get back to my seat. Eventually I did get back to my seat, but after a while I felt myself going all over again, and so they took me to the jump seat thing at the back, and got me some coca cola (flattened coke is meant to reduce sickness, which it did); I then started shivering crazily, so next thing I had a hot water bottle and blanket, and they had radioed ahead to Heathrow to let them know that I would be needing the beep-beep cart to go through the airport.
        I went back to my seat before landing, and the guys made sure I was okay, and everyone was so sweet when they got off the plane wishing me well and making sure someone was waiting for me.

        I honestly couldn't of asked for better people to look after me on the plane - both the steward and stewardess were extremely kind and caring, and did everything they possibly could to make me feel comfortable and well.

        After getting through the airport on the beep-beep cart, not having to wait at the passport check, I got my luggage and as soon as I looked through the double doors I saw my family waiting for me with signs and a balloon, and I just knew that I was home and that even though things haven't been great, I was home and I would be able to go through everything with them now, instead of half way around the world.

Goodbye

        Goodbye. It's something I have been trying not to think about. I've been trying to think about it not as a goodbye, but as a see you soon.

        Today is my last day at UMaine, and the only thing to do was see Brianna for the last time. This past week I have only been in yesterday and today, as I have been unwell, and Bri has no lab work due to writing her thesis. We caught up at lunch yesterday, and put off the goodbye until today - I brought her a gift, and she adored it (so happy about that!), and she gave me plenty of abalone shells. All that was left was to say goodbye. Incredibly, I didn't cry - until I got back to the office - but it was still extremely hard, as I have become so close to her over the last few months, and she has been so supportive, understanding, and has done everything she can to make my experience amazing.

        I really don't have the words to express how thankful I am for her, or how happy I am that I got to become such great friends with her. She is truly incredible, and gave me such sweet advice for my future.

Little Bit of Charity

        Yesterday evening, Katie and I represented the UMaine Food Science Club in the community by going to the Ronald McDonald house and cooking a meal for the residents. For those of you who haven't heard of the Ronald McDonald House, it is a house sponsored by McDonalds that gives families who have children in hospital a home away from home, with a comforting, supporting environment, where families can meet others in similar situations, and allow them to be near to the hospitals whilst not having to stay in hotels all the time.

        I originally thought that the whole food science club would be attending, but it turns out that they find it difficult to organise everyone to go, so it was only me and Katie - this didn't bother me at all, and between the two of us we managed to cook the meal, and make some pudding.

        We started off by hitting the grocery store and getting some last minute things including, veggies and cheese ends; if you go to the deli cheese counter and ask for cheese ends they give you a bag of spare or ends of their cheeses for such a good price! We then headed to the house, and set up in the kitchen and began cooking. The dish Katie had chosen to make was called 'hearty chicken casserole' - I'd say it wasn't a traditional casserole, but it was still delicious whatever we want to call it! It consisted of chicken, kidney beans, celery, and onion cooked in a tomato and creamy sauce, with melted cheese on top, all served with white rice and steamed broccoli.

        I think the meal went down well, even if some of the children were very opinionated on various parts of it, and there wasn't much left at all, so we sat down with a portion ourselves and I absolutely loved it and would happily make it at home. For pudding we had already prepared the pretzel bites - we did pretzels dipped in chocolate for any peanut allergy sufferers, and then the main pudding was pretzels with a creamy peanut butter filling dipped in chocolate. Hopefully the kids will like these better, kids always like sweet foods!

        After we had finished eating, washing, drying and generally tidying we said goodbye to some of the residents, and the man who was on duty, and jumped in the car. Katie had been telling me about a Giffords ice cream stand that was only a short drive away, so we decided to treat ourselves to dessert. The stand was surprisingly busy for a Tuesday night at 7 o'clock, but we got served quickly and both absolutely devoured our ice creams! I went for a cup with one scoop of vanilla and one scoop of mint chocolate chip; I'm not really meant to eat dairy as it upsets my tummy, but having a bad stomach anyone I thought it wouldn't make any difference. Both these flavours were incredible, and the ice cream was so smooth and delicious, and all made here in Maine. Katie 'accidentally' ordered a sundae, and it included a scoop of s'mores ice cream, a scoop of muddy boots ice cream (it has pieces of brownie in), caramel sauce, whipped cream, sprinkles and a cherry! Katie was an absolutely cutie and treated me to it, as she wasn't sure whether she would see me again before I leave on Monday - I really hope that I will see her on Thursday or Friday at uni though!

        I really don't know what I'm gonna do without this girl back home, I've got to know her really well and just love hanging out with her!

Airport Diner

        The Airport Diner is located in Manchester, New Hampshire - I knew little about New Hampshire before visiting this past weekend, only that their motto is "live free or die" (a little drastic, I think), but upon my visit I now know that you can find some extremely good diner food there! The diner is situated next to a large hotel, and near to the Manchester airport - hence the name - so has a flowing trade; what makes it even better is that the food is incredibly good and the atmosphere happy and relaxed, so people visit from far and wide, not just passing trade!

        The restaurant was clean and tidy, with the interior reminding visitors of the boom of the diners, and allowing them a traditional experience. The decor inside was simplistic and classic, with the added bonus of model aeroplanes hanging from the ceiling, and hand painted art on the walls to mimic the skies. However, none of this drew the attention away from the food! As soon as you entered, the dessert and pudding glass case was in view, so you could drawl over those while being served. Even better, if you sat on the counter, or in a booth nearby, you could watch every meal be made, with the precision and care each of the chefs gave them.

        The menu includes all of the classic diner food, such as burgers, steaks, sandwiches, and a large breakfast selection, and although many of these classics appear simple, the chefs and owners at the Airport Diner have hit the nail on the head with the flavours and taste, and have ventured to new depths by adding an unusual twist onto some of these classics.

Try some diner lingo!

        On the Friday evening, the restaurant was really quite busy, so we sat at the counter, and despite the hustle and bustle of people coming and going, the service was quick, easy and the staff were extremely accommodating, and as warm as the pies they serve! We dived straight into the mains, with myself ordering a bacon, cheese burger with no bun, fries and a salad, and my Uncle ordering the chilli salad served in a ginormous taco! The burger was delicious, perfectly cooked and the fries seasoned perfectly. My Uncle's portion was huge, and could of easily served both of us! The chilli was delicious, and had a great depth of flavour, with a slight heat that lingered in the mouth. The salad included a great mixture of vegetables, which allowed for a cool bite after the heat of the chilli. Being gluten free I didn't try the taco, but just the look of it was appealing - I have a feeling that if I had wanted that meal they would have happily served it without the taco basket, and probably offered another option like chips for myself, as they were extremely understanding of my dietary requirements.
        There were a variety of desserts to choose from, and we ended up choosing the Grasshopper Pie, which is essentially mint chocolate chip ice cream (all ice creams are hand-made) in a gram cracker pie crust, served with whipped cream, fudge chocolate sauce, and sprinkles. The portion size was huge again, and we delved straight in! I avoided the gram crust, but even without it, the dish was great - the mint chocolate chip ice cream was smooth and perfectly flavoured, and the fudge sauce, I would happily fight someone for that!

        We returned twice on the Saturday for both lunch and dinner, as the diner is in a perfect location, which was easy for us to get to - we stayed only one junction away on the motorway. For both lunch and dinner we sat in a booth, as it was quieter than Friday, but still with a great amount of people. I ordered 'The Doo Wop' which included two eggs any style, a choice of bacon, Canadian bacon or sausage, home fries or beans, and toast. They even gave the option of gluten free toast for a $1 upcharge, which was perfect for me! The meal was great, and I was absolutely stuffed and couldn't eat it all. My Uncle choose 'The Big Cuban Melt' and it was definitely big, and even came with chips and a pickle.

        For dinner we both decided that we had our best diner meals yet - I had the roast beef with mashed potatoes and mixed vegetables, whilst my Uncle had fried steak with mash and veggies. Both dishes were phenomenal, and I would recommend anyone to try these! I also highly recommend everyone to try the dessert of banana split! This was no ordinary banana split, but the best banana split (the server even said to us that she makes the best one in the diner). Banana served with chocolate, strawberry and vanilla home-made ice cream, with pineapple and mixed fruits, fudge chocolate sauce (in spoonfuls), whipped cream, strawberries and sprinkles. It is safe to say I had the biggest food baby after that monstrosity!

Hello Banana Split!

        If you are ever in Manchester, then please treat yourself to the Airport Diner, the food is amazing and the prices extremely great value. The restaurant, the service and the food were just top notch.

New Hampshire

         Friday afternoon and I'm packed up in the car with a great playlist (courtesy of yours truly), a hot chocolate and some jam sandwiches, ready to head on the journey to Manchester, New Hampshire. Luckily, we had a good trip down and the setting sun made for a peaceful view. Travelling is definitely not my favourite thing and I was ready for a nap when we arrived - so a nap I had.

        The Holiday Inn Express we stayed in was great, and I would highly recommend it to anyone visiting Manchester. I got the luxury of a twin double room, which gave me the choice of two beds, and was extremely spacious and super clean.

        After freshening up we headed to the Airport Diner, which was just one junction down the motorway. It was really busy, which I expected for a Friday night, so we got two stools at the counter. The food was great, and the pudding delicious - so we headed back twice the next day!

        Our plan for Saturday was to visit Mount Washington, which I had searched and found out was 3 hours away - we were only an hour from Boston! - but my Uncle insisted it was 40 minutes to an hour, until he searched it as well. Time for a re-think. I went down to the lobby and looked at the guides available, and eventually found a State Park not too far away, so off went. Bear Brook State Park is located in Allenstown, New Hampshire and gave us a nice break to see the Autumn leaves. I think that the park would be a great place to visit in the Summer, as there was a little beach on the edge of a lake, with the trees surrounding the distance.

        For the remainder of the day we got lunch at the diner, and then spent the afternoon at the hotel - which was really needed! We headed back out to the diner for dinner, and had one of the best banana splits known to man!

        Sunday was reptile expo day - I had more of a slow start with my Uncle coming back to get me from the hotel. At the show we walked around, and also manned the stool; I was classed as a "vendor" which was pretty cool. It was quite bizarre to see so many reptiles, especially snakes, all in one place, and it was even weirder to see people carrying cotton bags and thinking "they've got a snake in there!".

        After spending some time there we started the journey back home, stopping in Portland, Maine for lunch (well an afternoon snack) at Whole Foods, and to do a brief shop in Trader Joe's. Travelling back really didn't go down well with my body, and I felt extremely sick and dizzy, and was glad to get back to the house and my room.

        The weekend has definitely taken its toll, and I'm glad I'm inside today, hiding from the rain and the wind. The weekend was really lovely, and nice to see somewhere different and do new things.

        It was also another state to check off my list - bonus! 5 down, 45 to go!

Counting Down the Days

        The countdown has begun (technically it started a few weeks ago), so the final countdown has begun. One week. One week and I will be getting on the plane that's taking me home. It's safe to say I'm ecstatic - although there is a surreal feeling that it is bittersweet.

        I never even thought I would make it to the point where I was staying, yet here I am 3 months later, still going (a little slower than I started). Much of my experience has been quite unexpected, not how I pictured it at all, but I have still enjoyed it, minus a few things. These things seem big now - in the near future they won't matter a bit and hopefully I will be laughing about them. Truthfully, I'm laughing at some of them already, it helps so why not?!

        The definition of bittersweet is "both pleasant and painful mixed together" (the first definition I found was 'a poisonous Eurasian woody vine' - not quite what I was going for!). Leaving is definitely both pleasant and painful, as I am letting go of things that are draining and toxic to me, on the other hand I am leaving family, and also new friends who I have formed great friendships with. I know that I will keep in contact with them, and hopefully sometime will get to visit them again, or have them visit me. I really wouldn't have got through this without them, or without my family at home spurring me on!

        I seem to have a million things to fit into this last week, and I am so worried that I won't get everything done in time, as people aren't quite as organised as I would like them to be. All I can do is keep trying to get things done - one of them is pretty important though, getting a suitcase! I thought I was sorted when my Uncle gave me a suitcase, but unfortunately it turns out that it is my Aunts and he shouldn't of giving it to me in the first place. So now I am needing to go out and get a suitcase so I can actually get all of my things home - it makes more sense now why I'm really stressed eh?
       
        It doesn't help that my body is continually declining, and I just need to be home where I can actually rest and not have so many things that are stressing me out and making me worse. To do that I have to get through this week, which I know is going to be a fight against my body.
        Lets get through the week, and lets make the most of the time I have remaining, as I know I will miss some things when I go, and I'm always going to have that to-ing and fro-ing in my head of whether I'm doing the right thing. I just know that at this moment, home is the place for me.

A Breath of Fresh Air

        I've been hauled up in the house these last few days feeling exhausted and rubbish, due to different circumstances, so yesterday I ventured back out to university and it was great to be out in the fresh air again, and do something rather than sit waiting for the time to pass - although getting more time to speak to my family was nice!

        It was an extremely long day and it is taking an extra toll on my body, but I was glad to be out and about. I started up at 7.30am (which really shouldn't be allowed) and spent the morning snoozing in my Uncle's office; not very productive but it had to be done, with the added bonus of a hot chocolate. Then I sat down for some lunch and headed up to the lab and spent the afternoon with Bri. There wasn't much to do as Bri is holding off on some lab work until she has figured out what to do, a good idea in my eyes, as it is key to her research - sadly she's had a rubbish week in terms of her research, so hopefully she gets the break through she deserves!

        The day night before I found out that I was going for a meal with Uncle Ian straight after university, as he had to take a guest speaker out for dinner when she arrived in Maine. He also informed me of his lab drinks he had to go to beforehand. So I got dropped at Margarita's, and sat with Erin at the bar (cheeky), whilst Ian went to collect Victoria from the airport. We were joined by Jess, and a couple of others a little while later. It was so nice just to chat to Erin and Jess, as I haven't really done much just going out and relaxing with people. I also found out that I had some things in common with both of them, on certain subjects *cough cough*, which was actually really refreshing to hear similar opinions to mine!

        At 6pm Erin and myself walked across the road to Woodman's to see if we could get a table for 8 people - there is usually quite a wait for tables, let alone one for 8 people - but just by chance, the lady was able to arrange a table of 8, and we were able to sit straight away. Erin and I texted everyone to head over, and about half an hour later we were all sat around chatting - the dynamic of the group was great, and even though I don't know them all really well, I got on well with them all, and had a really nice time! For starters Ian ordered fried calamari, spinach and artichoke dip with toasted flat bread, and an onion blossom; unfortunately, I can't eat any of these due to the gluten, so the lovely waitress got me some celery sticks so I could try the dip, and although I wouldn't personally choose the dip, it was delicious! For my main dish I ordered haddock pomodora (haddock baked in tomatoes, basil, garlic and olive oil, served with rice and carrots). This was completely the opposite of what I usually order (I normally play it safe with a burger), but my oh my it was so so good, and I polished it off in a flash! The desert was also heavenly - chocolate lava cake, what more do I need to say?!

        The evening really exceeded my expectations, as I was worried about going to my Uncle's lab drinks without him being there, and sitting awkwardly at a dinner with people I didn't know well, but it was relaxing, lovely and such a nice change from what has become my usual day to day goings on.

Spontaneous Afternoon

        Hello exhaustion my old friend. This morning did not start at all the way I had wanted, as I felt unbelievably rubbish and it feels as if my body is slowly wanting to collapse. I know that I am doing a lot, but unfortunately my body is not resting and recovering as fast as I would like, or as fast as it used to.

        Oh well, 'keep calm and carry on' as the English say, so I went into university and worked with Brianna in the lab. I had a brief understanding of what we were doing, but it was still a little confusing. The machine we were using was extremely high tech, taking sections of samples and working out the different components. I also got to use the vortexer, which spins the samples to mix them and it feels really funny on the hand!

        About an hour before I planned to head out my Uncle's friend, Nick, who gave me lifts home this week, and Neil came by to say that the School of Marine Science cook out was happening that afternoon. I was to either head to meet them later or go with them - as the machine was running Bri said there was no reason to stay, so off I headed. This made me extremely anxious, as I was going to an event for a college I am not a part of, and I only know the two people I am attending with.

        Surprisingly, I had a fabulous time! It was catered by the UMaine catering company, and there was a range of BBQ meats, salad, crisps, cheese, drinks and brownies. I had a burger (no roll), with some salad and crisps, a lovely carton of lemonade, and then I tried one of Maine's specialities... the red hotdog. I don't know its official name, but it was a hotdog that was bright red from dye! It tasted quite okay, just a little different from a normal hotdog.

        When we got there barely anyone was there, in the end there was quite a crowd, with lots of groups sitting on the grass around the food tables. Whilst I was there I sat with Nick and Neil, and eventually our group grew as other colleagues and some students joined to sit with us. I surprised myself by actually being able to talk to these people (starting some of the conversations), and not going bright red (yay me!). I got to meet one of my Uncle's students, who he has told me many a story about, and he was so genuinely lovely, mixed with very enthusiastic - not quite how I expected him to be.

        After getting home, a lot later than planned I had a more relaxed evening, talking to my Dad on skype, and then reading for a little while before dinner. I also got a package in the post, and when I opened it there was a book. I knew that I hadn't ordered anything, so thought that maybe my Aunt or Uncle had, but we both looked at each other and went "well I haven't ordered anything" (with quizzical expressions on our faces). Inside I found the cutest little note, from the cutest person! It was a birthday present from my lovely friend Hannah, and it was definitely a surprise!

        It topped of my afternoon and evening quite perfectly!

Happy Birthday!

       Yesterday was my 19th birthday, and it was extremely weird not to be celebrating it at home with my family and friends, but it did turn out to be a nice day and I will get to celebrate again when I go home! I started with the usual getting up, changed and having some breakie before heading out to university. For the afternoon I was working with Brianna, and we went to Murray Building to use the Scanning Electron Microscope - it was really cool to see how this worked, and to actually have a go at getting images of the abalone muscle, and seeing differences. I have never seen a microscope quite as big as that one, but I am sure that there are even bigger ones around the world!

        After we'd finished gathering images of the abalone samples, that was it for the day in terms of work, so I headed to my Uncles office to relax a little and eat my birthday lunch (I packed myself a cookie as a treat!). I got to skype my Mum as well which always makes things better, and have a hot chocolate to heat up, it's getting rather chilly here.

       Back from university meant a quick change, a quick skype with my Dad - another thing that makes things better - and then we headed to Dysart's for my birthday meal. There were 9 of us in total, and although the food took a little while, and I was slightly disappointed with my burger (silly onions in the melted cheese) it was really lovely! I was really anxious and nervous about having a meal, as I haven't made a massive amount of friends here, so I invited my uni friends, and my Uncle and Aunt's friends that I have got to know. Everyone got on great, and I hope everyone had a nice time, with great home cooked food, which is always a bonus in the cold weather of Autumn.
        I was so surprised when I got given such lovely presents, I wasn't expecting anyone to get me anything. I got a nice mixture of things, including jewellery, a cupcake book, candy, a scarf and the softest, snuggliest blanket!

        So overall, I had a really nice, yet tiring birthday, and I can't wait to get home and do it all over again with my family and friends!

Sunny Friday Afternoon

        Yesterday turned into a spontaneous change of plan. The original plan was meet up with Katie for lunch and then head back to the lab and run some abalone samples in a very complicated machine, with Bri. Lunch started off as planned, then Bri text and said she wouldn't be in the lab so that meant our lunch was super extended for the whole afternoon - not a bad thing on a gorgeous sunny day!

        We decided on the Harvest Moon Deli, in Orono (I'd highly recommend), and luckily for me they offered gluten free bread for their yummy sandwiches - although it was a little more expensive (but everything gluten free seems to be!). I decided on a tuna salad sandwich, and it was massive, but not quite as massive as what Katie (another one) ordered for her boyfriend - a turkey club sandwich, which had three layers of bread, turkey, bacon and a whole variety of salad in it!

        After lunch, me and Katie decided to head for the bog walk, as the weather was perfect and we had nothing to do back at the lab; it was nice just to get away from the university and the norm for a little while. I've been to the bog walk once before, the first year that I came with my family, and it was really nice to see it in a different season with the colours beginning to change.

A few snaps!

         Next we ventured to the mall, as Katie wanted to look for a few bits, and I wanted to look around as well. I didn't end up getting anything, but was so close to buying a hoodie from Aeropostale for $7.99, which I sort of regret not buying now, darn! I wasn't 100% in the store so I didn't go for it, maybe I should have took a gamble.
        Katie found some absolute crackers of a bargain in Aeropostale that she is putting in a little package for her friend. In total she saved around $40 (woah!), as things were reduced to 99p - they were pretty expensive to start though, well in my opinion, and I do think anything over 99p is expensive!

        To treat ourselves after walking what seemed a blummin marathon (the only downside of the day) we went to Katie's apartment and had some apple cider, it's non-alcoholic and to me just tasted like super strong apple juice, but it was really nice and I've been told they do a hot version in the Bear's Den which I might consider trying one chilly day soon.
        After this we headed back to the Union to meet up with one of Katie's friends at the International Coffee Hour, which is a get together for all international students on campus. It was pretty much just a jumble of students from around the world all eating free pizza (which nearly tempted me), watermelon, crisps and drinks. Everyone was in their friendship groups so I didn't get to meet many people, apart from the two we sat with who Katie knew.

        To finish off the busy day, my Uncle, Aunt and I went out for Sushi with two of their friends. I have never had sushi before and got quite anxious when the menu made no sense to me - it is so difficult having so many allergies, as you never know what could be hidden in the food. For starters my Uncle ordered me the 'sushi appetizer' which consisted of 4 little piles of rice with a different fish on each. These were definitely not to my palette; it was weird having the fish raw, and the taste was very different, and also each one had wasabi sauce on which was so hot. For my main dish I stuck to something safe, and went for Yoki Noodles (I had buckwheat) which were stir fried with chicken and mixed vegetables. This was definitely the best thing I tried all night!

My Uncle's Boat Load of Sushi

        Coming back to reality, the whole of yesterday has completely taken its toll on me, and I am struggling greatly today. This was so unfortunate, as I was hoping to go to the Common Ground Country Fair today, but I knew that there would only be a slim chance and it didn't pan out that way. So today has consisted of resting, reading and napping to build my energy to get into university next week!

Destination - Home

        I told my Uncle that my flight was officially changed, and made sure that he put it in his diary, otherwise knowing him he would completely forget and I wouldn't be catching that flight in time! It was a hard decision to make, but in one month I will back on home turf, and hopefully on a new, different road to recovery.

        Things turned out completely the opposite of how I expected, they've still been good, just in ways that I didn't expect. Other things I have found a lot harder, things that I never thought would bother me as much as they have done - I've definitely learnt more about myself, and it has made me a more well-rounded person, able to deal with new things. I know that I shouldn't compare myself to my friends - who are doing amazing things and moving forward with their lives, while I seem to be standing still - but I still go on to compare, even though the challenges I face are gravely different. I always feel like I take one step forward, then what seems to be a heck of a lot more backwards, but a quote I recently found is so true.

"An arrow can only be shot by pulling it backwards. When life is dragging you back with difficulties, it means that it is going to launch you into something great."

        Another quote that I found recently gives a more humourous look into taking steps forwards and backwards.

        I have only told my direct family, and one friend that I am returning early - in my mind I have huge anxiety and fear around telling my other friends and family and I don't quite know why. I know that they will be extremely happy and pleased to have me back home, but I have a reoccurring fear that they will judge me for not sticking at it longer, or laugh at me as they would be able to do so much better. I truly don't know.

        I think it may be also to do with the fact that very few of them actually understand the illness I suffer, and so it is therefore hard for them to understand that I find basic things extremely difficult, and for me this has been completely out of my zone and I have done so many things I have struggled to do for years. But alas, life must go on and I will soon gain the courage needed; either that or I just turn up at their doors!

Lets Hug It Out

       I was a little startled when my Uncle knocked on my door at 11.30 last night and mumbled something about vets and cat, and comfort the dogs if they start barking. Of course, as soon as they left for the vets the dogs started howling and barking, and I had to climb out of my quilt to venture downstairs to stop them being noisy. I sat with them until they quietened down, and then snuck away to my bed again, feeling completely sleep-deprived - I think most people could predict what happened next... they started all over again. This happened twice more before I really couldn't keep my eyes open any longer and didn't want to sleep downstairs, so I headed back up at 1 o'clock and luckily they were a little less vocal, and my Uncle and Aunt got back from the vets soon after.

        To add to my disturbed night I had to get up reasonably early (well, for me) to get into university with my Uncle, so I woke up this morning looking like a zombie but none the less made my way in. When I got into the lab I told Bri about my unusual night, and we talked about a few other things and then I burst into tears, not at all being helped by the lack of sleep and my emotions running high. We decided to hug it out. I can't thank her enough for how much she does for me, and she completely understands everything I talk to her about, and always knows a way to make me feel better, even if I make her cry first by crying myself.
        I just find everything such a shame that things didn't turn out how I expected - but maybe that is for the better, and as my Mum and Dad say "everything happens for a reason". Lets just hope that there is a good reason behind this! All we have to do is stay positive and be who you are.

       On a more positive note (and keeping the positivity going) I had a better day from then on. We started by trying to work out what was wrong with a very large, and very expensive piece of equipment in the lab. They've had trouble with this machine for nearly two years, and today the problem was cracked, although it came with a $400+ bill for new parts!
        For lunch I headed over to the Bear's Den for a hot chocolate (the weather's getting a little on the chilly side), and sat reading quietly as Bri had a lunch meeting to attend. The Bear's Den is incredibly quaint, with window booths, and arm chairs glowing in autumn colours from lamp shades. The food looks really nice too, although I am not lucky enough to of tried any yet. It's a little quieter than the Union, which is always good for me as a loud environment is very exhausting and draining.

        Heading back to the lab I was meant to be meeting with another PhD student to help with her lobster project. In the end she didn't need my help, which was quite fortunate as she had a stinking cold. Although it would have been nice to work on a project which is trying to use the colouring of a lobsters shell to create food colourings and antioxidants.

        At 3 o'clock we headed on out to the Food Science Club cook out. Although it was cold and threatening to rain there was a really cheery atmosphere, lots of good food and lovely people. I surprised myself by being able to talk to new people without going tomato red, but it definitely helped knowing that Bri and Katie were there. It was a really pleasant way to end the day.

Mail for Melanie

        On Thursday when I came home early there was a FedEx envelope waiting for me on the doorstep, and I hadn't a clue what it was and why it was for me. Unfortunately, it was a letter telling me that my care package from my parents was stuck in customs and that they could not get hold of me - they hadn't actually tried to ring me. I knew that my parcel was stuck as my parents had got an email with customs forms attached that needed to be filled in, before the parcel could be finally sent up to me. We rang them and spoke to the man who had sent me the letter, and he sent us more forms to be filled in, which is a pain, but he was able to delay the parcel being sent back! Which will hopefully give us that little extra time to find out all the information we need and actually keep the parcel in America.
        This wasn't exactly how we had planned it, as sending the parcel seemed quite simple, but sadly they think they we are going to be selling the items in it - which is complete rubbish, why would I want to sell my new glasses and contact lenses?! They didn't understand that it was for personal use, but I accept that they have their jobs to do and don't mean to make a fuss of everything.

        I also had another envelope sitting on the side, this time a hand written one - as soon as I saw it I knew exactly who it was from and felt a happiness inside of me. I haven't seen Hannah since she left for Camp America in June and that is probably the longest time I haven't seen her for! I wasn't sure whether to open the card or not, as it could be a birthday card. I opened it anyway, and it wasn't at all a birthday card, but a gorgeous card with a lovely essay saying how proud she is of me, how brave I am and that I can overcome anything in my path.
        She also included two Bible verses which I can always relate to and always make me feel so incredibly loved by God and my family and friends. Having a friend like her is so so important to me, and I can't thank her enough for always being there for me.

Why does the truth have to hurt?

        These last two months haven't exactly been a walk in the park. My body has deteriorated so drastically, but I kept telling myself "you will get better; your body will cope soon; you'll feel less exhausted tomorrow" - when wholeheartedly I knew that this wasn't the truth, I just didn't want to be honest with myself and accept the fact that I'm hurting my body so much.

       Being out of your own comfort zone is always extremely difficult, let alone for someone like myself who is trying to manage a chronic illness as well. I had to express the truth to those closest, as much as I knew it was going to hurt and in my mind it wasn't how I wanted things to turn out. In my eyes telling the truth was showing weakness, and showing weakness allows for you to be judged - it all relates to my illness, which I hate to show to anyone apart from my parents and sister. My parents knew I was struggling, I just didn't have the strength and courage to tell my Uncle and Aunt; so with the help of my parents we told my Uncle that I was dramatically struggling and just wasn't showing it to them and we needed a new plan.

        We decided the best course of action was to try to change my flight (hopefully to early October), so I could return home and go back to a somewhat normal routine to see if I can actually recover from this illness. This was never what I intended to happen, in my mind I had great expectations of what my time spent here would be like - maybe I expected too much of myself, I always seem to forget my limitations hoping they won't creep up on me like they always seem to. I wanted to find my own 'American Dream' and stay until the end of November, celebrating Thanksgiving, and spending this time discovering new parts of Maine, making new friends, and having an overall amazing time. I have had some truly amazing times, but times have been overshadowed by my illness - it's like looking at two seperate girls: the first girl wanting to learn and experience everything new, whilst slowly building confidence and skills; then the second girl whose battling a pain-in-the-bum illness, not being able to do everything she wants.

        I've grown considerably whilst living out here, and have smashed some achievements out of the park. I am brave and I am strong, and I will not give up on my American Dream - maybe one day I will return and things will turn out how I intended them, or maybe I will find another path that leads to my route in life.

"There are no wrong turnings. Only paths we had not known we were meant to walk."

- Guy Graviel Key

Happy Hallo... wait it's not even October!

        Driving along the quiet tree-lined roads of Bucksport, Maine yesterday I came across a house completely decorated, from top to toe with halloween decorations - spiders webs, spooky faces, bats, pumpkins and banners. It's not quite the middle of September yet, but over here it appears this is time to start getting ready for annual trick or treaters. This was a complete surprise to me, as in England people start decorating (very minimally, or nothing at all) maybe a few days before!

        Bucksport was so beautiful, with the road trailing the Penobscot River and railway there were some gorgeous views - I wish I'd taken my camera, although I didn't know I was going there, as my Uncle said we were going to get some fish.. which we did! I just didn't think the journey would be in such a lovely location. The only downer was not feeling 100% on the journey, and today that has come out and I came home early... but back to yesterday.

        When we got to University, I had no work in the Food Science lab (major change of plans to do with lobsters), so I offered my services to my Uncle's lab, they accepted and to my surprise my job was to remove the fins of frozen fish, trace around them, make a little jacket for the fish and trace that. Then cut the poor blighter open and find his tag. Definitely one of the freakiest things I have ever done - but congratulations to me, I did it, although it was the weirdest slimey feeling, even through gloves!

        Once I'd finished in the lab, I met up with Bri and we headed back to hers for our re-re-(re?)-scheduled movie night. Her house was so cute, and she had two extremely friendly and laid back Great Danes - Lucy and Willow - who just love to spread over you on the sofa. Our little pre-dinner snack was something neither of us had tried, but we both actually enjoyed; Beanitos, they were basically crisps made from black beans, flavoured with sea salt. A great treat for someone who is gluten free like me! For dinner Bri cooked chicken in a fig balsamic dressing, with mashed sweet potatoes, and fresh broccoli - safe to say it was a winner. Then we got comfy for the movie - The Hobbit - and it was so good, I've never watched the Lord of the Rings so didn't quite know what to expect, but it was amazing, and I am so looking forward to seeing the next two!

        After that detour, I'll return to today. I was meant to be helping in the Aquaculture Lab again today, and I was all set up ready to start with the fishies, when I came over super sick and faint - surprisingly it wasn't the fish, as I hadn't got them out yet; maybe it's a bug. I packed all my bits away, left a note and text my Uncle, and went to find Bri, who was kind enough to bring me home. Since then I've slept on and off, against the sound of the thunder storm. Hopefully I'll start to feel better soon!

To Do: Relax and Recuperate

        This week I'm not able to get into University as much as I have been, so I'm having a few days to relax and rebuild my energy. Having chronic fatigue syndrome can extremely limit the things that I can do, and even though I push my self and keep going I finally get to the point where I can go no longer - I am definitely at that point right now! Having yesterday and today to rest has been good, and I've just been having cheeky cat naps and letting my body recuperate.
        My plan for the rest of the week is pretty basic too, with a few trips into university (possibly); so hopefully this will allow my body to gain some much needed energy. The only thing about spending time at home, resting and doing as little as possible, is that it allows my brain to take over and focus on things that don't matter or that I don't want to think about - mainly missing my family and friends! So I have made a little list of a few activities I have used to keep my self occupied, but that don't over exert myself:

1. Napping! This one is pretty self explanatory.

2. Skyping - Chatting to my parents and sister is so lovely and always make me really happy. Getting to hear everything that is going on and even just getting to see their faces makes me feel better (even though I miss them to the moon and back).

3. Catching up on my favourite TV programmes - Sitting in my pj's wrapped in my Snoopy blanket watching some tele is always a winner. Recently, I've been catching up on The Great British Bake Off (which I can't get on American tele) and I absolutely love it. I can't wait to try and make some of those recipes when I get home! My other two faves at the minute are Hart of Dixie and Pretty Little Liars - these have already aired over here so I'm doing a catch up so I'm ready for the new seasons!

4. Cross Stitch - My Uncle and Aunt suggested getting some type of craft to keep me busy. I got the cutest little cross stitch, and although I have to do it in moderation (small, fine work can really exhaust me physically and mentally) it's great fun and it will look super when it's finished.

5. Last, but not least reading! Getting lost in a book is great fun, and sometimes it sucks to come back to reality, but it has to be done.

"If at first you don't succeed, then try, try and try again."

        - Definitely the quote of today's baking adventures!

        Conquering a gluten-free and allergy suitable cupcake and muffin recipe is most definitely a challenge. With the help of two super lovely friends (one baker, and one taste tester) we started with a trip to the Natural Living Centre, where I spent a whopping $20 on only 4 flours - nearly gave myself a heart attack!

        We began with a vanilla, lemon cupcake, which with an extremely gritty consistency before cooking came out reasonably well; although the shape didn't really change much from how we scooped it into the cases, woops.

        Our second choice of baked goods were quinoa banana muffins, and oh my, these were delicious. Quinoa flour, with mashed banana, grated apple and raisins tasted amazing - these would be great as a breakfast muffin, as well as a snack and pudding! I took a cheeky snap of this recipe, so I can make these for my family when I get home, who will hopefully like them as much as I do.

        The disaster of the day was our second attempt at lemon cupcakes - we thought we would adapt the recipe slightly to see if we could made the texture and rise a little better. I don't quite know what we did, but they decided to rise - making us hopeful - and then collapse to make giant craters. They looked a little like Yorkshire puddings, according to Leanne! Surprisingly they still tasted great, and even more lemony than the first batch... they just stuck a lot more and looked completely tragic.

       We made a quick last minute decision to make chocolate cupcakes whilst I waited for Uncle Ian to pick me up, and this was by far a good choice!  All four of us sat staring at the oven and the timer for 18 minutes, waiting for the chocolatey goodness to be done, and then forced ourselves to wait a smidgen longer until one cooled enough for us to taste. Bingo! These were the perfect chocolately cupcakes.

A quick snap of 3 of our attempts (including the dodgey ones!)

All of the recipes were (adapted) either from 'Vegan Cupcakes Take Over the World' or 'The Whole Life Nutrition Cookbook'